Viet Nomz

Show everyone you can get fat eating healthy too!

At what age did getting sick lose its novelty? Probably around 14? Looking back, I'd say high school gave us all our first glimpse at what coming down with the sickness would be like when adult things await. What once seemed a free weekend granted directly from the fates was doomed to become the greatest pain in the ass since Dragon Tattoo's stainless steel revenge dildo.

I guess she could use worse things.

Thankfully Viet-Nomz is here to tug that unlubed phallus a few inches from Orlando's collective rectum. Located at the corner of University and Goldenrod, this recent addition to the city's culinary scene offers the ever popular pho along with other dishes centered around noodles and rice. If its sounds simple that's because it is, and I'll crave that damn noodle soup all the same--doubly so when I'm sick. I've been to the delightfully named establishment several times already and have thoroughly enjoyed each outing.

Housed in a small strip, the first thing one notices is the size of the restaurant (about 12 tables) and the quick rotation of patrons. No one dallies here--do the same eat and run tactic you use on your parents. Next you notice the appropriately youthful pseudo-hipster decor given that the servers and poor souls slaving away in the on-display kitchen all seem to have come from the same UCF Asian club. Don't get too comfortable after claiming a spot at a table or the counter running the length of the restaurant--you gotta place your order at the register. While the menu isn't large to begin with, there are really only two items to concern yourself with: the pho and the entree bowls. If you're there in force feel free to order some crowd-pleasers like the steamed buns and summer rolls otherwise save the cash to upgrade your main course (more on that later).

When you're under the weather, there is nothing in life but beef broth pho. One might notice a massive cauldron steaming away on a back burner in the kitchen that within lay the mystical cow juice. Do whatever you want with the pho--load it up with brisket and scalding jalapeno, empty the whole damn herb bar in your bowl--so long as you go with the beef broth! If however, soup is not what you're thirstin' for today then the entree bowls will subside your bottomless gut. The breadth of customization carries over from the pho (hooray!) but take my advice and order a second protein with your bowl--my favorite is a noodle bowl with pork and crispy tofu.

Nothing'll make you feel better than a big bowl of dick.

As you can tell, Viet Nomz is quickly becoming a frequent stop for me. It's calming to know I have a place to either cure all my ills or provide me with the delusion that I can in fact live a healthy and cultured lifestyle. Remember fellow gluttons: embrace the lowly bowl of soup with all your heart and always make fun of tofu especially if you love dick...I mean tofu.